Note edit later after first full HR test …

 

Photo by Johnny Briggs on Unsplash

Dec 11 RST Deep in my conditioning it seems I have a cultural expectation of “publishing” but in this context, “publishing” is the specific noun associated with writing, being a writer, claiming the writer’s life, enjoying all the spiritual benefits and privileges of this magical and mysterious flow, that many/most creatives and writers would give their non-writing hand for, especially considering how reliable and consistent this flow is – and all those creative blessings in the larger context of this abundance of finances, time, space, all at this moment in human history –– Yes this includes the programming to be busy and successful and admirable.– Yes, this includes the relentless demand to DO in order to BE.Grd – Yes, this includes that natural and righteous call for any writer to publish, to be heard, seen, “out there.”But I sense there’s more, this goes deeper. I seek this insight to tap into this truth, to honor it, let it flow naturally.

Is this unique to the creative mindset, or does this run deeper, to see who and what I am, who I choose to be, to realize that unique exuberance necessary to every node of consciousness having a human and creative experience? To join the conversationThis may be that universal consciousness deciding to experience itself, to no longer be alone, bored, infinite, perfect, omnicient.THAT’S getting fundamental and essential, far deeper than “publishing” – and that need to be not alone and experience and express and create each our unique exuberance, as the natural flow through that progression of Am-Alive-Awake-Aware-Animated-Informed-Inspired-Intentional-Intentional-Creative-Beloved-Novel.Seems I have progressed through the “Creative” and I now face the “Beloved” and “Novel.”

Q12 This entry answers well that question of “beyond publishing what is the essential human and spiritual imperative to be in the world as my most authentic, courageous, expressive?”Now I am free of all the constraints that that “world” could and has long forced upon me. This “free-form post anywhere and everywhere and experiment and find out” is a perfect approach to this call to the fundamental need for unique exuberance.separate, or connect it as this arrowNow, about Joan Didion:– “You don’t need to be loud to be powerful”– “Observation can be more radical than proclamation”: this is the antidote to the know-it-all-know-nothing tenor of the online world today– “That outsider perspective would become her greatest strength as a writer” – I feel I am that outsider: outside the economic demands now, outside the business and working and professional and career world, outside the trauma of SAR and the life-long demands to conform, perform, outside the human obsessions with the illusions of self and ego and free will, outside the user interface and profoundly filtered reality we unconsciously accept as true and real, hopefully outside my self and able to examine all truths, all experience as the absurdity of deeply intertwined self-referential conundrums that consciousness has created here.

Brass To examine my experiences in the summer of 1978 and the disillusionment of the Rainbow People, read again Slouching Toward Bethlehem – “We were seeing the desperate attempt of a handful of children pathetically unequipped children to create a community in a social vacuum.””This is me in my youth – and what’s the “publishing” question then? arrow Jan 26With the Flow and energy I feel here, perhaps engaging this energy will keep me alive and lucid into my 90s and beyond so I can finish the work developing in all these journals and ideas and words.

who said this?Con “We tell ourselves stories in order to live” is not far removed from Nietche’s line about art and death. For if stories are not art, then what is? Or, if art is not stories…Nietche’s quote about art and deathwho said this >”Sentiment is the enemy of truth.”An enemy I would suggest.What then is “sentiment”? Gratuitous sadness? Manipulative narrative emotion?A key theme is the use of an emotional context or situation or condition or event that focuses on, dramatizes, and over-emotionalizes one admirable or noble dimension of the narrative while ignoring the pain, injustice, ugliness, corruption of other dark elements at its root or in its background

‘she never let emotion cloud her observation’ – I am capable of this perspective, by seeing all things from contemplative bemused detachment, seeing the self-referential absurdities and hypocracies, witnessing beyond the true commercial or egotistical or political agendas, and various other examples of no-BS clarity.

“Detachment is not coldness crossed out”Clarity is not coldnessDetachment is not indifferenceIt’s how to protect truth from distortion”But what is truth? Whose truth, as in which of us? Whose truth, as in which instance of consciousness, knowledge, reality beyond our human user interface?Maybe the version shown to me, through my writing, my voice, words, language, ideas that come to the page on their own?

Bonnet Getting back to the question of that essay – I wonder as well, in the spirit of expanding on what’s there, if this “being in the world” was always the unanswered question – it’s what I had no clue about in 1978 when I turned away from the road and the counter culture toward society and the working world and The Girl.It’s what made me turn away from “being a writer” in 1980 to become a computer scientist, because I could not see how to make a living as a writer and support a family.Which is just another name for “being in the world as a writer.” The challenges of being a successful writing and get paid or not, making a living or not, are essentially the same if the real purpose, the final reason is: “I know what I want to accomplish in the world as a writer, and I know how to make that happen, or I have the courage and commitment to go figure it out – because joining the great conver-sation out there and working out my salvation with diligence in here, as a writer in both realms, is the whole point of this life.That’s what the entire life of this writer has been about: shedding the conventions, norms, expectations, demands, and diversions to authentically address the brilliant gifts of being present and finding and sharing my voice in both realms.Figure out what I want to say,Discover how to say it,Purely by opening to the mystical origins of all art,Then becoming free to completely be that artist in the world –– and that’s where we come back to the EE.

But if the depth and mysticism of that worries me, then a) I can easily put most of it upon HR, and snippets or a revised version on BB, or b) I can simply let go of those fears: said like this –”I naturally and spontaneously write about mysticism, quote the great spiritual traditions, challenge and examine the conventions of art, culture, our entire social structure, even to the point of those core existential questions about the nature of reality, reason for being and doing and trying, and the point of asking existential questions.I’m a quiet, underspoken person, I don’t like attention, but these words and ideas pour out of me spontaneously.If someone reads my work and questions it or wants it explained, I usually decline. I thank them for reading it and honestly declare that I’m not sure where it or the 100 other journals full of content came from.It’s just what I have to, I have to write.